These days we're all so uptight. We just need to relax and let go. Farting is natural. Accept it as part of our personalities. Love yourself and your farts.
Discover a new you
What's your unique farting style? Are you loud and proud, mischievous or a little shy? Who's farts have the strongest personality, depth of flavour and sonic tone? Who styles it out with the special moves?
It starts with a fart
The timer begins Christmas Eve at 6pm and finishes on Boxing Day at 6pm with an Awards Ceremony. The game starts when someone farts.
Witness the fart
If it's not smelt or heard by someone, it never happened. Practicing the 'timed release' helps. Check out the ways to play.
Who will be crowned 'King or Queen of Farts'? Dad? Mum? Maybe even the dog?
Ways to play
Convince others that someone else's fart was yours and steal the points. Best played with an 'undercover' farter or the dog.
Block someone's fart sound by coughing. If you're really brave try covering their bum (not advised with a 'loud and proud' farter)
No-one around to witness your fart? Hold it in, find someone then let it go
Stay out of the game. How to play by not playing.
Point the finger and successfully blame someone else to keep your score at Zero.
Allow the steal
Poker face required. By not owning up you can let someone else steal it. If they manage to convince others, they win the points.
How to score
The fart chart
"Everybody out!" The ultimate vomit inducing fart. Like a scene from a post-apocalyptic film, the room has literally been cleared.
"She dropped the bomb!" Totally engulfing, violently loud and noxiously rancid. Eye watering with constant waves of repeating. Its virtually impossible to get away from it.
"I'm too scared to go to the toilet." Spicy, hot and worryingly saucy. Dangerous and likely to leave 3rd degree burns and yellow evidence.
"What crawled in and died inside you?" Thick wafts of stale and stagnant gas hang in the air. Fetid and corpse-like.
"Time to change your pants" Wet and gelatinous. Odours of tinned dog food and processed meatballs.
"Turkey for dinner?" Rich and deep flavours. A gastronomic journey of meat varieties, with overtones of Christmas dinner. Gout in a guff.
"Get out of the way!" A focused missile of foul gas speeding across the room. Don't get caught in the crossfire or it will take you down.
"Its following me" Silent, deadly and ever present. Like an evil spirit that's attached to you it follows wherever you go. Only an exorcism will release you.
"You've woken Grandad up!" A lightening bolt out of the blue. A sudden loud crack like an exhaust backfiring. It could shatter glass, break a hearing aid and even startle the neighbours. Unlikely to smell."
"Shall I play my bum trombone?" Ascending or descending notes that fill the room with their delightful and amusing sounds. Like a musical score for a bum opera. More noise than odour.
"Anyone for a custard cream?" Small but thick in quality with a nutty and musty undertone. Like you just opened your nan's biscuit tin that's been hidden in the pantry for years and released the odour of one single solitary stale custard cream.
"I love you with my all my fart" Gentle, loving and warm. Always released in close proximity to a loved one for full effect. You say it's made with love but the receiver doesn't agree.
"More tea vicar?" Pre-empting silent but surprisingly vocal. Usually dropped in moments of quiet. In the Church, audience at your kids play or during the final scene of a film at the cinema.
"Once you pop.." Small releases of bubbly air with a gentle simmering sensation. Warm and comforting with a slight whiff. Need to be in close range for any effect.
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" A total disappointment. Just air and barely audible.
Power up with styles and combos to win extra points. Score 5 additional points for every special move.
Decorate the tree
Timed release and by the Christmas tree. Extra points for blasting off a decoration, or melting a chocolate.
Pull my finger
Use your finger like a cracker. Timed release just for the crack.
Social distance surprise
Surprise someone you love from 2 metres.
Fart at the same time as kissing someone under the mistletoe
Fart at exactly the same time as someone else
Fart immediately after someone else and start a fart conversation
Join the uprising. Let's be revolting together.
An uprising is coming. Join the fart revolution and play the game. Let's all be revolting.
What did you think of the game?
What kind of personalities does your family have? Who won the competition. Any surprise players? Did you come up with your own special moves? Were any of your farts off the scale? Share the ways you played in the comments below and leave your legacy.